First Night
if i was saying goodbye
this is how i’d do it
one long red line on the page
no more ellipses
i’ve grown more steady
grown up into a taller
girl who bends
more than she breaks
if i was saying saying goodbye
i’d kiss broken glass until
my words were as bloody
as a car crash
i’d chew some
maybe even swallow
and i’d gravitate towards
god’s porchlight
like a manic moth
skittering and leaning
slightly to one side
if i was saying goodbye
i’d empty my bank account
drown my sorrows in kerosene
gamble everything i’ve worked
hard to get
crawl over the barricades
into dangerous territory
and dangle there
daring them all
to take one step closer
if i was saying goodbye
my hands would hover and spin
making up a language of mistaken
motion
i’d leave no note
no trace
no apology
and i’d come back
trailing ashes
through the Black Forest
like a full moon
dragging oceans
and smoke
through your living room
when you least expected.
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